The Alternate Side

Season 3, Episode 11 — 59 scenes

• "...is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person."
• "I would like a car alarm like that."
• "I don't know my alarm sound. I'm not tuned into it like it's my son."
• "You know, I'd better call the car-phone company, cancel my service."
• "I don't even know if I remember the number."
• "-What are you gonna do with it? -I don't know. Drive around."
• "Could you mail those to me? Or bring them by my building."
• "Hey, Jerry, when's the last time you had a tune-up? Because I can't find--"
• "-Yeah. Like 50 bucks a month. -How many people does he do it for?"
• "Well, I was just watching them film yesterday, and some guy asked me."
• "-Hey, Jerry, you got insurance, right? -Yeah, but no car. I'll have to rent one."
• "What's a young man like you want to move cars for? You don't work?"
• "-It sounds like it's going pretty good. -Yeah. Well, there is one little prob..."
• "Why do people always say that? I hate everybody. Why would I like him?"
• "Well, I'll tell you, she would have to be really vibrant."
• "And that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding."
• ""You mean like this? So it looks like I'm saying something, but I'm not.""
• "Yeah, it looked like you were in a real conversation over there."
• "Do I have to break up face to face, or can I just do it over the phone?"
• "-How many times have you been out? -Seven."
• "I need a bucket of water. I got a car overheating."
• "They said they wanted me to walk down the block carrying this bag of groceries."
• "...you know. I'm at this bar, and, you know, it's Woody Allen."
• "-These pretzels are making me thirsty. -No, no. See, that's no good."
• "...are making me thirsty!"
• "...and he's really depressed because he has no job, and no woman..."
• "I hear you! I'm coming down! These pretzels are making me thirsty!"
• "...I was about to break up with him, then he started to twitch."
• "-Anyone know first aid? -Do something with the extremities."
• "-You can't put that on his head. -What about a big sponge?"
• "Maybe he's diabetic. He might just need a cookie or something."
• "-Cookies don't liquefy. -They do. You can liquefy a cookie."
• "You know, I've got to tell you, he's a pretty good-looking guy."
• "Those eyebrows could use a trimming. You ever mention that?"
• "Finally we make the turn, and this guy who was triple-parking cars..."
• "-It's not even my car. It's a rental. -What are you doing out there?"
• "...no technology, no equipment. Basically, they were there first."
• ""No, we can't help you, but we were the first ones here."
• "-Most of them cancelled out on me. -Can I get anybody anything?"
• ""Owen March, prominent author and essayist, suffered a stroke yesterday..."
• "...and wondered if his days of shooting movies in New York were over.""
• "Five seconds! The next words out of my mouth were, "Owen, it's over.""
• "...it'll look like I'm abandoning him. I'll be ostracized from the community."
• "All right, well, sir, you're only covered for when you're driving the car."
• "-If you had read the rental agreement-- -Did you see the size of that document?"
• "It's good, isn't it?"
• "I mean, if you order Yankee bean in the South, are they offended?"
• "Yankee bean. Yankee bean."
• "It would be nice if we could, but, you know, whatever."
• "Don't get me wrong. I like coming here and feeding you..."
• "I have to transfer at 42nd Street to take the double-R."
• "-...could you die from the odour? -An overdose of odour. Good question."
• "No, no, no. I was just down at the 42nd Street subway today."
• "We rehearsed it twice, and then Woody yells, "Action.""
• "Anyway, this woman, she came up to me, and she says, "You're fired.""
• "Oh, for crying out loud."
• "The best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship."
• "But if I get the sniffles, you better be there."
• "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"