The Pitch The Ticket

Season 4, Episode 3 — 127 scenes

• "...to see a bunch of people that have no cars, no TV, no phone..."
• "Don't come down till you make some noodles and raise a barn.""
• "...shows you the battlefield, gives you a bit of the history."
• "...the first question with you. Why is that always your focus?"
• "So we could see all the toilet-paper advancements down through the ages."
• "I'm unbelievable at spelling last names."
• "...at some of our meetings, and we'd be very interested in doing something."
• "Why don't you give us a call, and maybe we can develop a series."
• "-You're the teacher. It's only natural. -But gymnastics is not for everybody."
• "What person who runs an antique store gets involved in people's lives?"
• "...to buy an old lamp, and suddenly I'm getting them out of a jam."
• "...the show isn't about the circus. It's about watching freaks."
• "Oh, come on, Jerry. You're wrong. People, they wanna watch freaks."
• "A radar detector's worth much more than that helmet. You're cheating him."
• "Hey, you know you're getting gypped over here."
• "-Well, you're reneging. -Okay, okay. I'm not reneging."
• "I can't believe she got involved with her shrink."
• "You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person..."
• "Don't you know the difference between them?"
• "Remember when we were waiting for that table in that Chinese restaurant?"
• "People are always saying to me, "You know, you're quite a character.""
• "So everybody I know is a character on the show."
• "We go into NBC, tell them we got an idea for a show about nothing."
• "...and one of the characters would be based on you."
• "-That's your problem, buddy. -I don't understand what the deal is."
• "...because my new radar detector was on, but I didn't hear a thing."
• "Because the radar detector, as I understand it, detects radar!"
• "No, we had a deal. There's no guarantees in life."
• "-What, are you nervous? -No, I'm not nervous. I'm very good."
• "I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me!"
• "-I told you not to come. -I need some water."
• "I think he goes to the same shrink as Elaine."
• "-What are you doing here? -I dropped a script off."
• "He's doing something. I don't know. It's nothing. He's not doing anything."
• "I didn't know Kramer didn't invite him. I gotta call Kramer."
• "-Why them? Why not me? -Why not you?"
• "The bit-- The bit I really liked was where the parakeet flew into the mirror."
• "No, no, he mimed it. That's what was so funny about it."
• "I think I can sum up the show for you with one word:"
• "-It's not about nothing. -No, it's about nothing."
• "-What's the premise? -As I was saying, I would play myself..."
• "Well, I don't know about the reading. We didn't discuss the reading."
• "Well, maybe something happens to you on the way to work."
• "I, for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity."
• "I manage a circus."
• "You really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you."
• "That's what I'm talking about. That's the only way you're gonna get better."
• "I don't meet that many women. I meet, like, three women a year."
• "-Oh, I forgot to call Kramer. -Wait a minute, let me call Susan."
• "I was just thinking about this patient of mine."
• "...and, you know, I just blurted out something about your party."
• "Never assume anything. I don't want that nut in my house."
• "Why don't you give me your home number, and I'll call you later?"
• "-Yeah. -What's the expiration date on that?"
• "Look, just because Kramer vomited on her doesn't mean the deal is dead."
• "You could hold his head in the toilet, he'd still give you half of Europe."
• "So I had it on, and I was checking the strap out to make sure it fit."
• "See, this is all Elaine's fault. She took off to Europe with his psychiatrist."
• "At that point, there's really very little you can say to the person."
• "There's no, really, way to phrase the sentiment."
• "The remote. The remote. I can't find the remote."
• "Go to your apartment and fix it."
• "What is this? Why do I got one pant leg on for?"
• "-I don't believe this. -You didn't know you were doing this?"
• "Oh, come on, George. I didn't do that on purpose."
• "-You just said, "Yo-Yo Ma." -What's Yo-Yo Ma?"
• "Forget about the show. We should take the idea to a different network."
• "And if he hadn't vomited all over her, we'd be writing it right now."
• "Go to your apartment and lie down. I'll make an appointment for a doctor."
• "Okay. Great. Thanks a million."
• "They wanna buy it! They wanna buy it! What did I tell you?"
• "-You know, I think he wears a piece. -Yeah, don't worry. He can afford it."
• "What is it you object to? The comfort? The speed? The convenience?"
• "What, are you getting to be too much of a big shot now to give me a call?"
• "Funny thing is, I can't wear them. I get too hot."
• "-Nobody got a gun to your head. -Yeah. I'm really sorry."
• "...I know plenty of people in Hollywood too."
• "You gotta go with me to court. I'm contesting the ticket."
• "You wouldn't even be here today if it wasn't for me and my helmet."
• "But my personal favorite would have to be that we had to invent the helmet."
• "Did you see the look on his face? Did you see how insulted he was?"
• "...there's a building full of people burning down. I do have to be running.""
• "-Look at this. -Why didn't you shave this morning?"
• "You're gonna be a little more flexible on the nothing idea."
• "...I told him I was rushing because my friend was about to commit suicide."
• "...because your dreams of becoming a banker have gone unfulfilled."
• "Okay, we'll go with the banker story."
• "You must have a good story. Otherwise, it's just masturbation."
• "You have your highs and your lows. And it goes up and down."
• "Is that what I said, "no story"? Because Jerry had to tell me later."
• "Well, I informed him that he was exceeding the speed limit..."
• "I don't know how you guys feel, but we would like to be in business with you."
• "...or if there was some foul play, but let me tell you:"
• "-That's a pile of judgment. -Yes. Yes, judgment with earrings on."
• "I was in the middle of a game of Parcheesi with an old blind man..."
• "...so I was-- I was a little concerned. I wanted to see how he was doing."
• "...but I-- I distinctly recall him saying--"
• "So I sped home to save my friend's life, and I was stopped for speeding."
• "He is in the courtroom today, sitting right over there!"
• "Mr. Seinfeld, you have a telephone call."
• "When you sent me the bill, I thought the show didn't have a chance."
• "-Okay, $18. There it is. There you go. -All right."
• "This is what the pilot should be about. Vomiting on somebody's vest."
• "I can't live knowing that Ted Danson makes that much more than me."
• "-Why him? Why not me? -He's good. You're not."
• "I forgot to leave him an extra prescription for his medication."
• "I can't go. He knows we're friends."
• "There's a guy outside, and he's a nutjob, and he's waiting to beat me up."
• "He's gonna get a muffin. Then he'll walk us outside."
• "Yeah. Yeah, I decided to get a sandwich."
• "You know, a muffin can be very filling."
• "-He's getting a sandwich now. -I thought he was gonna have a muffin."
• "-Would you let me say--? Let me talk. -All right. Go ahead."
• "I was very upset that day because I could never become a banker."
• "It was your family that pushed you into banking. It was their dream for you."
• "-Could you get to the speeding? -Yes, I intend to, Your Honor."
• "And then, on the afternoon of September 10th..."
• "Yes, from me! From me! I called you, remember?"
• "Remember the banking! The banking! It wasn't working out."
• "What's the matter with you, you jerk? We had it all worked out!"
• "Well, either you see him or you don't."
• "Now you're drinking coffee. That's another 10 minutes."
• "Hey, NBC okayed our idea. We're gonna make the pilot."
• "What do you make for something like that? Fifty, 60 thousand?"
• "This guy goes to traffic school every day, no matter how he drives."
• "The punishment should be, instead of traffic school or traffic court, just tr..."
• "You're on your way to Vegas. There isn't a car in sight."