The Pitch The Ticket
Season 4, Episode 3 — 127 scenes
- "...to see a bunch of people that have no cars, no TV, no phone..."
- "Don't come down till you make some noodles and raise a barn.""
- "...shows you the battlefield, gives you a bit of the history."
- "...the first question with you. Why is that always your focus?"
- "So we could see all the toilet-paper advancements down through the ages."
- "I'm unbelievable at spelling last names."
- "...at some of our meetings, and we'd be very interested in doing something."
- "Why don't you give us a call, and maybe we can develop a series."
- "-You're the teacher. It's only natural. -But gymnastics is not for everybody."
- "What person who runs an antique store gets involved in people's lives?"
- "...to buy an old lamp, and suddenly I'm getting them out of a jam."
- "...the show isn't about the circus. It's about watching freaks."
- "Oh, come on, Jerry. You're wrong. People, they wanna watch freaks."
- "A radar detector's worth much more than that helmet. You're cheating him."
- "Hey, you know you're getting gypped over here."
- "-Well, you're reneging. -Okay, okay. I'm not reneging."
- "I can't believe she got involved with her shrink."
- "You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person..."
- "Don't you know the difference between them?"
- "Remember when we were waiting for that table in that Chinese restaurant?"
- "People are always saying to me, "You know, you're quite a character.""
- "So everybody I know is a character on the show."
- "We go into NBC, tell them we got an idea for a show about nothing."
- "...and one of the characters would be based on you."
- "-That's your problem, buddy. -I don't understand what the deal is."
- "...because my new radar detector was on, but I didn't hear a thing."
- "Because the radar detector, as I understand it, detects radar!"
- "No, we had a deal. There's no guarantees in life."
- "-What, are you nervous? -No, I'm not nervous. I'm very good."
- "I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me!"
- "-I told you not to come. -I need some water."
- "I think he goes to the same shrink as Elaine."
- "-What are you doing here? -I dropped a script off."
- "He's doing something. I don't know. It's nothing. He's not doing anything."
- "I didn't know Kramer didn't invite him. I gotta call Kramer."
- "-Why them? Why not me? -Why not you?"
- "The bit-- The bit I really liked was where the parakeet flew into the mirror."
- "No, no, he mimed it. That's what was so funny about it."
- "I think I can sum up the show for you with one word:"
- "-It's not about nothing. -No, it's about nothing."
- "-What's the premise? -As I was saying, I would play myself..."
- "Well, I don't know about the reading. We didn't discuss the reading."
- "Well, maybe something happens to you on the way to work."
- "I, for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity."
- "I manage a circus."
- "You really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you."
- "That's what I'm talking about. That's the only way you're gonna get better."
- "I don't meet that many women. I meet, like, three women a year."
- "-Oh, I forgot to call Kramer. -Wait a minute, let me call Susan."
- "I was just thinking about this patient of mine."
- "...and, you know, I just blurted out something about your party."
- "Never assume anything. I don't want that nut in my house."
- "Why don't you give me your home number, and I'll call you later?"
- "-Yeah. -What's the expiration date on that?"
- "Look, just because Kramer vomited on her doesn't mean the deal is dead."
- "You could hold his head in the toilet, he'd still give you half of Europe."
- "So I had it on, and I was checking the strap out to make sure it fit."
- "See, this is all Elaine's fault. She took off to Europe with his psychiatrist."
- "At that point, there's really very little you can say to the person."
- "There's no, really, way to phrase the sentiment."
- "The remote. The remote. I can't find the remote."
- "Go to your apartment and fix it."
- "What is this? Why do I got one pant leg on for?"
- "-I don't believe this. -You didn't know you were doing this?"
- "Oh, come on, George. I didn't do that on purpose."
- "-You just said, "Yo-Yo Ma." -What's Yo-Yo Ma?"
- "Forget about the show. We should take the idea to a different network."
- "And if he hadn't vomited all over her, we'd be writing it right now."
- "Go to your apartment and lie down. I'll make an appointment for a doctor."
- "Okay. Great. Thanks a million."
- "They wanna buy it! They wanna buy it! What did I tell you?"
- "-You know, I think he wears a piece. -Yeah, don't worry. He can afford it."
- "What is it you object to? The comfort? The speed? The convenience?"
- "What, are you getting to be too much of a big shot now to give me a call?"
- "Funny thing is, I can't wear them. I get too hot."
- "-Nobody got a gun to your head. -Yeah. I'm really sorry."
- "...I know plenty of people in Hollywood too."
- "You gotta go with me to court. I'm contesting the ticket."
- "You wouldn't even be here today if it wasn't for me and my helmet."
- "But my personal favorite would have to be that we had to invent the helmet."
- "Did you see the look on his face? Did you see how insulted he was?"
- "...there's a building full of people burning down. I do have to be running.""
- "-Look at this. -Why didn't you shave this morning?"
- "You're gonna be a little more flexible on the nothing idea."
- "...I told him I was rushing because my friend was about to commit suicide."
- "...because your dreams of becoming a banker have gone unfulfilled."
- "Okay, we'll go with the banker story."
- "You must have a good story. Otherwise, it's just masturbation."
- "You have your highs and your lows. And it goes up and down."
- "Is that what I said, "no story"? Because Jerry had to tell me later."
- "Well, I informed him that he was exceeding the speed limit..."
- "I don't know how you guys feel, but we would like to be in business with you."
- "...or if there was some foul play, but let me tell you:"
- "-That's a pile of judgment. -Yes. Yes, judgment with earrings on."
- "I was in the middle of a game of Parcheesi with an old blind man..."
- "...so I was-- I was a little concerned. I wanted to see how he was doing."
- "...but I-- I distinctly recall him saying--"
- "So I sped home to save my friend's life, and I was stopped for speeding."
- "He is in the courtroom today, sitting right over there!"
- "Mr. Seinfeld, you have a telephone call."
- "When you sent me the bill, I thought the show didn't have a chance."
- "-Okay, $18. There it is. There you go. -All right."
- "This is what the pilot should be about. Vomiting on somebody's vest."
- "I can't live knowing that Ted Danson makes that much more than me."
- "-Why him? Why not me? -He's good. You're not."
- "I forgot to leave him an extra prescription for his medication."
- "I can't go. He knows we're friends."
- "There's a guy outside, and he's a nutjob, and he's waiting to beat me up."
- "He's gonna get a muffin. Then he'll walk us outside."
- "Yeah. Yeah, I decided to get a sandwich."
- "You know, a muffin can be very filling."
- "-He's getting a sandwich now. -I thought he was gonna have a muffin."
- "-Would you let me say--? Let me talk. -All right. Go ahead."
- "I was very upset that day because I could never become a banker."
- "It was your family that pushed you into banking. It was their dream for you."
- "-Could you get to the speeding? -Yes, I intend to, Your Honor."
- "And then, on the afternoon of September 10th..."
- "Yes, from me! From me! I called you, remember?"
- "Remember the banking! The banking! It wasn't working out."
- "What's the matter with you, you jerk? We had it all worked out!"
- "Well, either you see him or you don't."
- "Now you're drinking coffee. That's another 10 minutes."
- "Hey, NBC okayed our idea. We're gonna make the pilot."
- "What do you make for something like that? Fifty, 60 thousand?"
- "This guy goes to traffic school every day, no matter how he drives."
- "The punishment should be, instead of traffic school or traffic court, just tr..."
- "You're on your way to Vegas. There isn't a car in sight."
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