The Apartment

Season 2, Episode 5 — 62 scenes

• "Well, I painted my apartment again. I've been living there for years."
• "Looks like a pig is trying to push his way through from the other side."
• "They'd come over Friday nights. Klingon boxing. Got to be there."
• "...but on Sunday, my friend is having a brunch for the New York Marathon--"
• "She lives right above First Avenue, has a perfect view of the race."
• "It's a good thing her rent was overdue. She'd be rotting there for a month."
• "She didn't have her wig on. It was horrifying."
• "Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported."
• "-What's the difference? It's true. -So it's okay? She can have it?"
• "Manny, look. Kramer put mousse in his hair."
• "What's going on? What is that look?"
• "What are you talking about? Come on, cough it up."
• "My only concern is the welfare and happiness of those close to me."
• "-How did you--? -Remember Mrs. Hudwalker?"
• "-Four hundred a month. -I'd be right upstairs?"
• "We can exchange keys so we can come in and out."
• "The problem with talking is nobody stops you from saying the wrong thing."
• "Walk out the door. Come back in. Let's take this whole scene again."
• "-She's going to move in. -Elaine's moving into your building?"
• "It'll be a permanent road trip. Forget about the home-bed advantage."
• "-Come in for two minutes. Sit with me. -I was just in there. It's embarrassing."
• "Never heard of anyone turning down an apartment because of weak showers."
• "For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if she had to."
• "-I've heard that about wedding bands. -I wonder if that's really true."
• "Oh, man. You know, you're crazy. You're a good-looking guy."
• "I told you I don't like these sponges. They're too small."
• "Your friend can't have the apartment, Jerry."
• "...but if that's the way it's gotta be, that's the way it's gotta be."
• "Because I have just been informed that it's going to cost Elaine..."
• "-Elaine? -Yeah."
• "So you'll see me really being a phoney. I hope you can take this."
• "Really, I feel terrible about this. My intentions were good."
• "Have you ever gotten up in the morning and felt that it's great to be alive?"
• "...I have the checks for the first month, last month, security deposit."
• "No. Someone offered Harold and Manny 5000 for the apartment."
• "Jerry, you don't have $5000 you can lend her?"
• "Oh, come on. She'll pay you back. What's 5 grand between friends?"
• "-What's there to think about? -I don't know. Five thousand?"
• "Five thousand. Where was she gonna get 5000? She doesn't have 5000."
• "Yeah, well, I don't understand what the problem is having her in the building."
• "...even inhibited in certain situations with the other human beings."
• "There are so few true heroes left in this world."
• "She's got some thing with her mother. Who knows what's going on with her?"
• "-Oh, the marathon is great, isn't it? -Oh, yes. Particularly if you're not in..."
• "It's great. I can get free tickets to any sporting event in New York."
• "Hey, Jerry just got me a great apartment in his building."
• "I've actually heard of single guys who wear wedding bands to attract women."
• "Hey, everybody, here come the runners."
• "...are you at all concerned that living in the same building..."
• "But as long as you're okay with it, it's fine with me."
• "I can, however, carry on strictly physical relationships..."
• "-It's just a sociological experiment. -Please."
• "Elaine just gave me a chance to get out, and I didn't take it."
• "...and floor seats for every sporting event in Madison Square Garden."
• "Just put some soap on your finger. It'll slide right off."
• "I just found a guy who's willing to pay $10,000 for the apartment."
• "I don't have to confront her. She has no idea I never wanted her to move in."
• "I can't live like this. I don't know what to do. I'm headed for a breakdown."
• "Boy, too bad. If I was up there, you'd never hear a peep out of me."
• "There's a lot of shushing in movie theatres. People are always shushing."
• "They won't shush. They're the unshushables."
• "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"