The Stock Tip

Season 1, Episode 5 — 76 scenes

• "Never liked the "check at the end of the meal" system,"
• "you got the pants open, you got the napkins destroyed,"
• "They're mystified by the check. They're..."
• "They start passing it around the table."
• "either you're born with a sense of humor or you're not."
• "[BREATHLESSLY] Hi. I know, I know. I'm sorry I'm late."
• "[NORMALLY] I dropped a grape in the kitchen,"
• "and I can't even go into his apartment, you know?"
• "I've been thinking about asking this girl I'm seeing--"
• "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'd have to advise against that."
• "with the separate faucets for the hot and cold."
• "before it mutates into another life form."
• "This is incredible. I'm-- I'm getting it."
• "that Wilkenson would tell me the exact minute to sell."
• "How much are you gonna invest? Five thousand."
• "It's gone up three points since I've been watching it."
• "in your daily routine? Hey, when I'm driving,"
• "All right, all right, I'll have the chicken salad."
• "I'll have the tuna."
• "I mean, beyond that, I'm risking a punch in the mouth."
• "You know, my friend told me about this great place"
• "Oh...so you want to move our relationship"
• "Yeah, we can fish. What, blues, carp...marlin?"
• "after the market closes. The stock is still down."
• "Oh, I can't believe it. Let me see that."
• "That's four and a half points in three days."
• "There's one thing I don't understand."
• "You could have invested in my roll-out tie dispenser."
• "and...vvvvt, you've got a new one right here, huh?"
• "I got a bunch of friends coming over this weekend."
• "Do you mind if they use your bed?"
• "I'm telling you, you know, they're anarchists."
• "Wilkenson, the guy who's supposed to tell us"
• "JERRY: You don't know what's wrong with him?"
• "I'm a nervous wreck. I'm not cut out for investing."
• "What if he's in an iron lung or something?"
• "Boy, I have to get to a bathroom."
• "You-- There's absolutely no way I can wear it."
• "Even if I had the receipt, look at it, it's a hand puppet."
• "In fact, forget the money. I don't even want the money."
• "different chemicals can react, causing--"
• "We just ruin the clothes. That ends our legal obligation.""
• "I know there's gotta be some liquids back there,"
• "I don't think that's what they're doing back there."
• "and he can't count to 10, so don't give me hygiene."
• "I don't know. I can't think of any solution..."
• "they should meet with some unfortunate accident."
• "What do you think, Jerry? You wanna make 28 bucks?"
• "but...George is coming back from the hospital,"
• "You wanna bump off a couple of cats."
• "You don't have to say "wow." I know it's "wow.""
• "JERRY: It's George."
• "Oh... Oh, look at this one by the bus stop."
• "I'm gonna go down there and try and talk to her, huh?"
• "Perhaps they had some sort of a falling out."
• "Well, that's it. Look, I'm going to Vermont."
• "I'm going down with the ship."
• "JERRY [THINKING]: <i>Oh, God, get me out of here.</i> <i>What a mistake.</i>"
• "JERRY [THINKING]: <i>Well, the drive home</i> <i>should be a delight.</i>"
• "<i>Let them throw me in jail.</i> <i>I don't care.</i>"
• "JERRY [THINKING]: <i>Maybe I can get an extension</i> <i>cord and hang myself..."
• "It's been almost a week. I want to check it out."
• "Look, Vanessa, of course the market fluctuates."
• "JERRY [THINKING]: <i>So what am I looking at here?</i>"
• "Have something else. Come on, have a little dessert."
• "Simons made money. Wilkenson cleaned up."
• "You don't recover that quickly from a nose job."
• "So, what ever happened with that?"
• "Almost as bad as losing out to a perfume."
• "Told you those trips are relationship-killers."
• "We went over that."
• "They're about to introduce some sort of a robot butcher."
• "You wanna get in..."
• "[CLEARS THROAT] Just a second. Just let me...peek."
• "I've decided I'll do the work, I'm gonna let the money relax."
• "I had my money, it was here, it was working for me.""