The Abstinence

Season 8, Episode 9 — 64 scenes

• "Kramer's got more muscle, higher protein content. It's better for you."
• "Why wouldn't you eat me? I'm your best friend."
• "George, I can't have sex."
• "So how long is this not gonna be a problem for me?"
• "I thought the whole dream of dating a doctor was debunked?"
• "Isn't bunk bad? Like, "that's a lot of bunk"?"
• "- Yes, all right, Katie. Thank you. Yes. - Sorry for the late notice."
• "- Bye. Bye. - Okay, you're the--"
• "- They asked you to do Career Day? - Yeah, it's no big thing."
• "Well, he started feeding it crickets, and the children just love him..."
• "So do most doctors like ER, or do you guys just think it's fake?"
• "But you're basically a doctor. I mean, people do call you doctor?"
• "You know, just by conversing, you can really learn a lot about a person."
• "Now, why would a junior high school wanna screw with my head?"
• "You can make all the laws you want. He's still gonna bother people."
• "- What, did they kick you out too? - Yeah, they kicked us all out."
• "- But I was promised a slot. - Single file, Jerry."
• "I heard what happened at the school. They can't bump you."
• "...next, you're being bumped in high schools, colleges, trade schools."
• "We were looking for: What is tungsten or wolfram?"
• "You're no longer preoccupied with sex, so your mind is able to focus."
• "...you have extracted an astonishing amount from this little scrap."
• "Just because a person's a smoker doesn't mean he's not a human being."
• "You can punish them. You can cram them into the corner..."
• "Oh, it's Sue Ellen Mischke, this old braless friend I hate."
• "- Oh, there's a doctor right here. - No, there's not."
• "- Ben really wishes he could've helped. - I thought he was a doctor."
• "Of course, absolute zero."
• "- What? What is with all these books? - I stopped having sex."
• "...but the only thing I have is in the non-filter section."
• "Two hours in front of the entire junior high, grades six through eight."
• "Calculate the velocity, V, in relation to the trajectory, T..."
• "You wanna talk about hotels, or you wanna win some ball games?"
• "So if you like to tell jokes, and you love to make people laugh..."
• "Excuse me, darling, do I--? Do I detect a Portuguese accent?"
• "The last couple of days my mind has been kind of, you know..."
• "You take for granted that when you put some trash on the street..."
• "Nothing's getting through. You're stupid."
• "Hey, you should come over. Tonight's pipe night."
• "You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours."
• "You know, and your teeth, your teeth are all brown."
• "Hey, Ben, I need a four-letter word."
• "No, it's Winnie-the-Pooh."
• "Turns out some stupid intern screwed up my test."
• "...there was a pretty good chance I was never gonna have sex again anyway."
• "You ready for the assembly and what you'll say about the Yankees?"
• "Jackie, I think I got a case against the tobacco companies."
• "I've been wanting a piece of them for years."
• "Did that cigarette label mention any damage to your appearance?"
• "Once he passes the test, you'll have sex and you'll be fine."
• "You could read the paper through the whole thing, if you want."
• "Is Kramer home?"
• "- In early Euclidean geometry they-- - George, I have to have sex."
• "Fascinating turn of events."
• "Ms. Wilkie, your tobacco company has turned this beautiful specimen..."
• "By the time this case gets to trial, he'll be nothing more than a shrunken head."
• "I'm sorry, Elaine. I always knew that after I became a doctor..."
• "Jerry, when the glee club's finished singing, George goes on, then you."
• "...with a Portuguese waitress. Mathematically, I had to do it, Jerry."
• "Hey, kids, what's the deal with homework?"
• "- No, no, no. There was no money. - No money? Then, what did we get?"
• "This is the most public yet of my many humiliations."
• "A long time ago, my uncle and a date are driving, like, through Mexico."
• "Listen. We'll call you if anything opens up. Okay, Jimmy?"