The Chaperone

Season 6, Episode 1 — 65 scenes

• "...you should be in the worst physical condition a human could be in."
• "We're too into sports in this country. We gotta throttle back."
• "No, not really. I'm just saying this to you because I like to hear myself talk."
• "-I can't believe you're not in cotton. -This is what they give us."
• "-Yeah, good idea. Catch you later. -Yeah."
• "...doesn't mean I don't have any money. Yo. Dogs. Two."
• "Oh, I gotta check my machine. I'm waiting to hear about an interview."
• "-I'm watching my weight. -I'm watching my height."
• "What if she becomes Miss America? You could be dating Miss America."
• "The only bad thing is we have to go out with a chaperone."
• "You know how hot those things get? They should be wearing cotton."
• "Those are gonna be some tough shoes to fill."
• "-Not as much as Jackie O, but-- -You can't have a little grace."
• "We'll make our choice in a few days and we'll let you know."
• "Mrs. Landis, there's something wrong with this copying machine."
• "You better be careful. You don't wanna get too congenial."
• "I'm going out with a Miss America contestant. You wanna go?"
• "Because I've seen every Miss America pageant since I was 6."
• "The resemblance is uncanny."
• "No, there's something else. An indefinable quality."
• "Well, you don't want too much grace, or you won't be able to stand."
• "Elaine, I want you to come and work for me as my personal assistant."
• "Well, all of a sudden, there's a problem with Tartabull's swing, but...."
• "...and your team is 5 degrees cooler than the other team."
• "-Now, what is it that you do, exactly? -I attend to his personal affairs."
• "White ones. The ones you wear with sneakers."
• "...and recede into the night, if you know what I mean."
• "If you wanna have some good, wholesome fun with a nice girl..."
• "...what would you do to make the world a better place?"
• "She's not gonna have time to think with millions of people watching her."
• "Now, you're very attractive, but you got a big waist."
• "I'm thinking of a number from one to 10."
• "Is it my imagination or the Yankees look a little different tonight?"
• "Kramer, would you consider being my personal consultant for the pageant?"
• "I am in your hands."
• "Good night, Jerry."
• "-Kenneth will take you home. -Yeah."
• "Oh, shut the **** up."
• "Oh, I've seen them come and go, but this kid has got something."
• "Paul O'Neill, 'I never dreamed anything could be so soft and fluffy.'""
• "Hey, you're not working. Why don't you come down."
• "Maybe Elaine wants to go too. Let me call her."
• "-You don't like them? -No, I don't like them."
• "-Hello? -Hi, Mr. Pitt. Is Elaine there?"
• "Excuse me, Mr. Pitt. Would it be all right if I got the socks tomorrow?"
• "-Why not? -Because I have to return the socks..."
• "All right, watch me."
• "...of a nuclear war and the only way the conflict could be averted..."
• "Now, if I told you once, I've told you a thousand times, poise counts!"
• "-Ultimately, I don't think they'll stay up. -No. No, they'll stay up."
• "-What the hell is that? -I don't know. It sounds like pigeons."
• "This will scare them off."
• "-Well, good night, Ollie. -Good night, Stan."
• "-How did this happen? -They like it outside..."
• "-But how did this happen? -It must have been an accident."
• "These doves were murdered."
• "You know what I think, Jerry? I think somebody murdered those doves."
• "Somebody who couldn't stand to have the spotlight taken off of them."
• "Don't think that you've won, because you haven't. This kid is a fighter."
• "Oh, it was just Kramer. Apparently I killed Miss Rhode Island's doves..."
• "And now, continuing with the talent portion of the competition...."
• "I heard those doves were really incredible."
• "What is with the Yankees? They look like they're having trouble running."
• "Everybody looks good in formalwear. It's dark, it covers everything."
• "...why these two people should not be joined together....""