The Van Buren Boys

Season 8, Episode 14 — 69 scenes

• "No, I mean like a full, long beard, like Smith Brothers Cough Drops."
• "Their ambition is based on personal insecurity."
• "They're pounding on your chest, and you're going: "Ten, nine, eight--"
• "- Why? - Today is my birthday."
• "So she went out with you on a first date and it was her birthday?"
• "I'm interviewing high schoolers for the Susan Ross Scholarship."
• "...as long as they're not you?"
• "And then I received a 740 on the English Achievement Test."
• "Well, the modern-day harp has been refined over thousands of years..."
• "Who's your favorite chess player?"
• "What country is he from again?"
• "Well, I've been telling people that I'd like to be an architect."
• "So get this, Mr. Peterman is finally letting me do some real writing."
• "There's a street gang named after President Martin Van Buren?"
• "Oh, yeah, and they're just as mean as he was."
• "Then they back me up against the cartoon map of Italy..."
• "Jerry, can you hold on a sec? I just wanna check my messages."
• "- Get your messages? - Yeah. No one called."
• "They acted like it was some act of charity, going out with her."
• "...and finally this kid walks in, Steven Koren, a regular guy."
• "And he also knows that finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything."
• "Oh, Elaine, we've covered all of that in the catalog, ad nauseam."
• "- Well, Mr. Peterman, do you want to--? - Two: CBS."
• "A friend of mine almost got beat up at that place by the Van Buren Boys."
• "Well, so we pay off your friend, and it becomes a Peterman."
• "Is that the same outfit you were wearing yesterday?"
• "Wait a second. Is that the fork that fell on the floor?"
• "Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to introduce you..."
• "Actually, maybe I could set my sights a little bit higher."
• "You know, the stupidest guy in my fraternity became an architect..."
• "Susan would be very proud of what you're doing."
• "And they made it their sign because Van Buren, our eighth president..."
• "- My whole life? - Name your price, man."
• "Kramer, my friend, you consider Elaine at your disposal."
• "I like to work in the evenings."
• "Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there..."
• "- The next thing I knew-- - A train is bearing down on you?"
• "Hey, listen. By the way, I'm hosting a little get-together tonight..."
• "Oh, you're getting together with some of your jackass friends?"
• "So you're denying him the scholarship because he wants to be a planner?"
• "- We're set for the weekend. - Spending the weekend with Ellen?"
• "Jerry, this whole Ellen situation has gone far enough."
• "So, what are you saying? That we're wrong? Everybody's wrong but you."
• "...and he's the same, and everybody else is different."
• "Why did you take away my scholarship, Mr. Costanza?"
• "He became so disillusioned, he had to join us."
• "Elaine, try the beef, because that's real au jus sauce. Real au jus sauce."
• "- It never happened, you understand? - Come on."
• "They-- They fit well and so I decided I wasn't gonna return them."
• "No, I certainly don't have any stories if that's what you're implying."
• "...but the Van Buren Boys, they never hassle their own kind."
• "Well, just shape them, change them. You're a writer."
• "Make them interesting."
• "- I gotta see what they think of her. - Maybe we can have dinner later."
• "...but as I'm stacking them up they keep falling into my footbath."
• "- How much did you pay for them? - Eight bucks."
• "Now, that's where the story takes a most unappealing turn."
• "...and you run into a whole band of underground tunnel dwellers."
• "The very pants I was returning."
• "No, no, no, Mr. Peterman, why don't we keep them as a reference."
• "And by the way, when you get to that chapter about romantic escapades..."
• "So, Mr. Costanza, did you get my scholarship back?"
• "...let's see you take the wallet off the next guy who walks by."
• "And after college I got my master's at the Sorbonne."
• "And so much personality. But it doesn't matter what we think."
• "She's 10 times better than that awful Amber girl that you were with."
• "All right, no more stalling."
• "Give me your wallet or I'll spill your guts right here on the street."
• "George Costanza, what is the matter with you?"