The Cartoon

Season 9, Episode 13 — 68 scenes

• "She moved to New York. She's trying to become an actress."
• "...in some bad play in a tiny room without ventilation."
• "I'm on my way to an audition, still looking for that big break."
• "So Susan's dead."
• "...and if we're not gonna have one, I'll grab a bite to eat at your place."
• "And you're on the fringe of the humor business."
• "It looks like my accountant's office. There's no pets working there."
• "Oh, this has gotta be a mistake."
• "Jerry, the minute I saw this girl, we just clicked."
• "We just can't go to the supermarket to get some candy."
• "Yeah, she's quitting the business. You ruined her life."
• "...until she's spit out the bottom of the porn industry."
• "You know what woman I always thought you looked like?"
• "You don't see this? Oh, you're like twins."
• "...that doesn't mean you're secretly in love with Jerry."
• "George doesn't wanna hear his girlfriend looks like me, neither do I."
• "Well, then I think one of us should leave."
• "You can't give up. You don't think people tell me I stink?"
• "Now, you get out there and stink it up with everybody else."
• "I don't understand why, but I am gonna get to the bottom of this."
• "-Elaine, huh? She's completely-- -Oh, I know."
• "What are you doing? Come and talk to us."
• "All right. I know I've been kind of shooting off at the mouth lately."
• "Or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up..."
• "You're never gonna be able to completely stop talking."
• "What? What are you talking about?"
• "...to hearing about George's man love for a she-Jerry."
• "Well, we're hoping that if, perhaps the catalog is a little funnier..."
• "...cartoons are like gossamer and one doesn't dissect gossamer."
• "...talking about the stock market, you think you're doing comedy."
• "Oh, really? Oh, yes. Well, you know, I have others."
• "Sally, I can't believe you're already doing a one-woman show."
• "Oh, I'm doing Jerry now, okay? So you have to imagine I have horns..."
• "You know what I mean, that guy?"
• "Well, I bet I can get in, once I mention I'm from The New Yorker."
• "...and he had some great gossip about James Thurber."
• "Channel Nine is doing a piece on my show, isn't that great?"
• "I know, but I thought maybe you could mention how I apologized..."
• "It's so great to see a show that's about something."
• "And that somehow, that would be exactly what I always wanted?"
• "I really do look a lot like your friend Jerry."
• "Okay, so, I go to meet Jerry Seinfeld at this horrible coffee shop, right?"
• "If I stayed up all night, I'd fix myself up a little before I go out."
• "Some mouthwash, a hat, something."
• "Yeah, and he's saying, "I wish I was taller.""
• ""I can't find my receipt. My place is a sty.""
• "Oh, you know what? I just ran into Newman in the hall."
• "Oh, that's it. I'm gonna put an end to this."
• ""The pig says, 'My wife is a slut'"?"
• ""--to cease and desist, on behalf of my client, Jerry Seinfeld.""
• "Okay. Well, I've got two words for you, Jerry Seinfeld:"
• "Well, that's it. I'm not giving her any more material. We are incommunicado."
• "Elaine, I'm afraid I have incurred yet another flat tire."
• "That irreverence. That wit. I'd recognize it anywhere."
• "...and passed it off as his own and I can prove it."
• "I remember you said I was the prettiest girl at the party."
• "...because you thought your breath smelled like hummus."
• "You don't remind me of anyone and we love gum."
• "But after a while it's like, "Whoa, take three steps back. Get a life," okay?"
• "Let me get this gum out of my hair and then I'll be ready for bed."
• "-Your hair. -Well, I had to cut the gum out..."
• "Oh, I see Ziggy's back at the complaint department."
• "Master of evil, Jerry Seinfeld, broke off all contact with me."
• "...and begged his neighbor not to tell anyone."
• "You broke up with her because she cut her hair?"
• "-You mean like--? -That."
• "We must never ever speak of this again."
• "Actually, I think I'm gonna take a few days off."