The Butter Shave

Season 9, Episode 1 — 70 scenes

• "What is Holland?"
• "What do you mean, what is it? It's a country right next to Belgium."
• "-Parachute pants? -Stop it, George. Stop it."
• "-Not with a cane? -No, with crutches, it's a funny story."
• "I was killing, Jerry. Killing. I killed."
• "He's like that fish that attaches himself to the shark."
• "You got any shredded coconut?"
• "-So, what's this job? -Oh, it's beautiful. It's in sports."
• "-So you got any shredded coconut? -No."
• "Well, I guess she's batted around and she's back at the top of the order."
• "That guy's coming home in a body bag."
• "And tell me what time it is in New York, you are going home in a body bag."
• "Well, what do you think the Gap in Rome has that's not on Broadway?"
• "Taking this lace out. It came undone, touched the floor of a men's room."
• "Well, I ran out of butter, so I had to borrow yours."
• "Look, Jerry, it's vastly superior to any commercial shaving cream."
• "George, everybody here at Play Now is just very impressed with you..."
• "Of course, you will have your own private, fully-equipped bathroom."
• "They gave me this incredible office, a great view."
• "Name one thing I have that puts me in a position of advantage."
• "All right, I made up the part about the car, but the rest is true."
• "I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building."
• "-Who? -The toothbrush in the toilet bowl."
• "No. He's riding my coattails again. He's getting everything off of me."
• "I knew what I was getting into. She's a bitter, unstable person."
• "That's my apple juice."
• "Someone's cooking."
• "Somebody's got something on the griddle. Maybe it's Kramer."
• "No, he's up on the roof getting some sun with the butter."
• "You know, my last boyfriend, he had a real kroner comprehension problem."
• "She doesn't either. If it were up to me, we'd still be together."
• "Oh, stick a fork in me, Jerry."
• "-Is that what the doctor said? -No, I read an article in Bon Appétit."
• "I must have dripped some on the floor and I slipped and--"
• "Yeah, this is Jerry Seinfeld."
• "They've added Bania to the showcase and he's going on right after me."
• "I don't know. I like stuff you don't have to think about much."
• "I can't believe we broke up like that."
• "-You want something to read? -No, I'm good."
• "You're just gonna sit there staring at the back of the seat?"
• "Oh, tell me about it. I don't know why I ever took you back."
• "I hope a giant mountain rises out of the ocean and we ram right into it..."
• "-It's still with you, huh? -Oh, yeah, it's baked on in."
• "That feels good."
• "That's just because we're standing on opposite sides."
• "...so the image was reversed. Like in a mirror. You see?"
• "-Right. Wrong. -Will you stop it, George? Just stop it."
• "Well, you're not gonna believe what happened."
• "Play Now thinks I got problems in both legs."
• "It must comforting to know you'll be going to hell..."
• "If you got juice left, you might wanna roll by the showcase tonight."
• "Then we'll see how he does, up there, without all the assistance."
• "Now, if you will kindly help me unwedge my front wheel..."
• "Butter. Kramer."
• "Let's see how Bania does without the cushy time slot."
• "Hey, everybody, who's ready to laugh?"
• "And what's with people getting sick?"
• "How about I do you a favor upside your head?"
• "-Like who? -Well, that guy who yelled out."
• "Guess you got your work cut out for you."
• "I'll tell you, he worked so hard and then he just blows--"
• "...and it's sticking because of the butter."
• "The sweet stench of failure."
• "That stupid two-hour battery."
• "Are you a religious man, sir?"
• "-Eat hickory. -No."
• "That thing you did, the two guys running through?"
• "First you had a pilot on NBC and now I'll have one."
• "...and if I never see you again it'll be too soon."
• "The transit police are making everyone share."