The Muffin Tops

Season 8, Episode 21 — 64 scenes

• "Excuse me, sir. Would you mind watching my bag for a second?"
• "- Where are you going? - I'm gonna be this guy's friend."
• "Strange, for new pants there's noticeable wear..."
• "- You look like a tourist. - All right. Let me ask you something."
• "- I got a league meeting there. - Oh, right, the new job."
• "Try opening this up. You'll find the biggest dating scene in the world."
• "Actually, I kind of need to speak to you."
• "...your stories for his book, and then he gave them back to you?"
• "I'm part of popular culture now. Listen, I'd like to thank Mr. Peterman."
• "- Well, I'm not bad. Not bad. - What are you doing here?"
• "Why is it every half-wit and sitcom star has his own book out now?"
• "Yeah, I'm just here to do my part. What's your name, darling?"
• "I'll tell you, that's a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops."
• "These are my fans. Hey, you're hurting my elbow."
• "Where are you visiting from?"
• "That looks new."
• "I know you. Something's wrong. What is it? What happened?"
• "...and you can just sashay your pretty little self around the town square."
• "- Jerry shaved his chest. - Hey!"
• "Oh, hairless. This is where it's at. It's so much smoother and cleaner."
• "Yeah, a muffin-top store just opened up down the street."
• "Top of the muffin to you."
• "- How do you explain your apartment? - I got a hotel room."
• "So get this: We're in the park today. Alex goes wild for this hairless dog."
• "I'm starting a Peterman Reality Bus Tour. Check it out."
• "The last thing this guy is qualified to give a tour of is reality."
• "So I was thinking maybe tonight we could go back to my hotel."
• "At some point you're going back to your job at Tyler Chicken..."
• "George, no offense, but this city would eat you alive."
• "You know, if you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life..."
• "I'm only charging $37.50, plus you get a pizza bagel and dessert."
• "- What's dessert? - Bite-size 3 Musketeers."
• "...they are not real in the sense that they did not really happen..."
• "You're the muffin-top expert. Tell me what I'm doing wrong."
• "- What do you mean? - You gotta make the whole muffin."
• "...pop the top, toss the stump."
• "- So, what do we do with the bottoms? - Give them to a soup kitchen."
• "Every time you shave it, it's gonna come in thicker and fuller and darker."
• "Oh, Reuben, get me another tray of low-fat cranberry, please."
• "What do they need the top of a muffin for? They're lucky to get the stumps.""
• "Why don't you drop off chicken skins and lobster shells?"
• "But if you stay here more than a few months, you're a real sucker."
• "...if you glance up, you'll just make out my bedroom window."
• "...and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at the same time."
• "- Why do I have to go on the tour? - Jerry, you're a minor celebrity."
• "Bus? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Bus? You got a bus?"
• "Are they war veterans?"
• "...didn't know you had a girl in here. Leave a signal on the doorknob..."
• "...with a topflight bird outfit. And a hen supervisor, to boot."
• "...you really shouldn't use cinnamon raisin."
• "All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Peterman Reality Tour."
• "...of actually knowing him, but this is pretty close."
• "Don Tyler? George Steinbrenner here. I wanna talk about George Costanza."
• "That stuff sounds great. All right, I'll have Costanza on the next bus."
• "- Well, I was gonna dump this. - It doesn't look like garbage."
• "Well, ladies and gentlemen, you're in for an additional treat."
• "So the New York Yankees traded you for a bunch of Tyler Chicken?"
• "- I got a good feeling about this dump. - I tell you, man, I'm losing it."
• "I think I'll go play with that dog."
• "Jerry, what's the matter?"
• "That feels good."
• "He's been in the bathroom a while. You might wanna check on him."
• "He makes problems go away."
• "All right. I'm gonna need a clean eight-ounce glass."