The Muffin Tops
Season 8, Episode 21 — 64 scenes
- "Excuse me, sir. Would you mind watching my bag for a second?"
- "- Where are you going? - I'm gonna be this guy's friend."
- "Strange, for new pants there's noticeable wear..."
- "- You look like a tourist. - All right. Let me ask you something."
- "- I got a league meeting there. - Oh, right, the new job."
- "Try opening this up. You'll find the biggest dating scene in the world."
- "Actually, I kind of need to speak to you."
- "...your stories for his book, and then he gave them back to you?"
- "I'm part of popular culture now. Listen, I'd like to thank Mr. Peterman."
- "- Well, I'm not bad. Not bad. - What are you doing here?"
- "Why is it every half-wit and sitcom star has his own book out now?"
- "Yeah, I'm just here to do my part. What's your name, darling?"
- "I'll tell you, that's a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops."
- "These are my fans. Hey, you're hurting my elbow."
- "Where are you visiting from?"
- "That looks new."
- "I know you. Something's wrong. What is it? What happened?"
- "...and you can just sashay your pretty little self around the town square."
- "- Jerry shaved his chest. - Hey!"
- "Oh, hairless. This is where it's at. It's so much smoother and cleaner."
- "Yeah, a muffin-top store just opened up down the street."
- "Top of the muffin to you."
- "- How do you explain your apartment? - I got a hotel room."
- "So get this: We're in the park today. Alex goes wild for this hairless dog."
- "I'm starting a Peterman Reality Bus Tour. Check it out."
- "The last thing this guy is qualified to give a tour of is reality."
- "So I was thinking maybe tonight we could go back to my hotel."
- "At some point you're going back to your job at Tyler Chicken..."
- "George, no offense, but this city would eat you alive."
- "You know, if you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life..."
- "I'm only charging $37.50, plus you get a pizza bagel and dessert."
- "- What's dessert? - Bite-size 3 Musketeers."
- "...they are not real in the sense that they did not really happen..."
- "You're the muffin-top expert. Tell me what I'm doing wrong."
- "- What do you mean? - You gotta make the whole muffin."
- "...pop the top, toss the stump."
- "- So, what do we do with the bottoms? - Give them to a soup kitchen."
- "Every time you shave it, it's gonna come in thicker and fuller and darker."
- "Oh, Reuben, get me another tray of low-fat cranberry, please."
- "What do they need the top of a muffin for? They're lucky to get the stumps.""
- "Why don't you drop off chicken skins and lobster shells?"
- "But if you stay here more than a few months, you're a real sucker."
- "...if you glance up, you'll just make out my bedroom window."
- "...and I can't drive and argue with you rubes all at the same time."
- "- Why do I have to go on the tour? - Jerry, you're a minor celebrity."
- "Bus? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Bus? You got a bus?"
- "Are they war veterans?"
- "...didn't know you had a girl in here. Leave a signal on the doorknob..."
- "...with a topflight bird outfit. And a hen supervisor, to boot."
- "...you really shouldn't use cinnamon raisin."
- "All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Peterman Reality Tour."
- "...of actually knowing him, but this is pretty close."
- "Don Tyler? George Steinbrenner here. I wanna talk about George Costanza."
- "That stuff sounds great. All right, I'll have Costanza on the next bus."
- "- Well, I was gonna dump this. - It doesn't look like garbage."
- "Well, ladies and gentlemen, you're in for an additional treat."
- "So the New York Yankees traded you for a bunch of Tyler Chicken?"
- "- I got a good feeling about this dump. - I tell you, man, I'm losing it."
- "I think I'll go play with that dog."
- "Jerry, what's the matter?"
- "That feels good."
- "He's been in the bathroom a while. You might wanna check on him."
- "He makes problems go away."
- "All right. I'm gonna need a clean eight-ounce glass."
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