The Beard

Season 6, Episode 16 — 72 scenes

• "I mean, so how does it work? Okay. I'm on line at the post office."
• ""No, we don't do it that way. We take their picture and we let them go."
• "Look at you. Why don't you use a fork. You're no good with the sticks."
• "...to go see Swan Lake with him and his wife. But he's afraid his boss..."
• "-Yeah? -Get it on with your bad self."
• "-...he looks in that thing? -I think he looks fantastic."
• "I never realized what an attractive man he is."
• "-Hey. -People, people, people."
• "Well, I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain."
• "With my personality and this head of hair, you know what I am now?"
• "-Well, what about me? -No, I think he's got you beat, buddy."
• "You done with all this? I'm gonna give it to a homeless person."
• "-You gonna be here in an hour? -Where am I going?"
• "-All right. I think that about does it. -George, come on. Take a look."
• "-Oh, yeah. -Oh, my God. You were right."
• "-You should've said something. -I didn't think I had to."
• "Look, with a piece of Tupperware, you just assume."
• "Well, by now you'd think people would be a little more open-minded."
• "-Really? -Yes, indeedy."
• "But he counters that side with the side you see here tonight at the ballet..."
• "...to make him the very special guy that he is."
• "And we discover yet another talent: posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals."
• "Don't tell me...."
• "Because when you join that team, it's not a whim."
• "They're only comfortable with their equipment."
• "Of course. Everyone gets along great when there's no possibility of sex."
• "You realize you're venturing into uncharted waters?"
• "I don't really know you that well. What if we get into a fight or something?"
• "I just made a delicious casserole, but it won't keep..."
• "So I spoke to your little friend Denise last night."
• "I told her the truth."
• "No, no, no. She can't tell. It's a perfect match. Beautiful job."
• "I noticed people staring at my head because they like what they see."
• "Hey, that's my coffee."
• "Hey, any of you guys want to be in the lineup, make a quick 50 bucks?"
• "Perfect. Okay. Just go right over there with Officer Lampart."
• "All of you, turn to the left."
• "Now, turn to the right."
• "-Have you been waiting long or--? -No. I got here two minutes ago."
• "If I could tell you the famous faces that have been up here...."
• "Hey, Lou. Maybe we should put him on the poly."
• "And Billy and Jake and Allison. Yes, we could have discussed it."
• "-Why don't you just confess? -It's too stupid to confess."
• "Hey, you know what? I have access to one of the most deceitful, duplicitous..."
• "Oh, this is killing me."
• "So I'm going out tonight with Robert..."
• "What do you think I mean? Bald. Bald. Bald, bald."
• "No one walks into a beauty parlor and says, "Give me the Larry Fine.""
• "Yeah, I've heard of that. I mean, they usually wear a wig."
• "And here's what I'm doing with it!"
• "-You started that fight with me. -I figured that's what couples do."
• "...you might be interested in changing teams."
• "I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure..."
• "You know, you've had, like, a religious awakening. You're like a bald-again."
• "It's like saying to Pavarotti, "Teach me to sing like you.""
• "-What? -I turned him. He defected."
• "-How did you do that? -Because I'm a woman."
• "You've given hope to every woman who's ever said, "Too bad he's gay.""
• "Did Kimberly steal Jo's baby?"
• "Did Billy sleep with Allison's best friend?"
• "Did Jane's fiancé kidnap Sydney and take her to Las Vegas?"
• "Did Jane sleep with Michael again?"
• "He slept with her sister, tricked her into giving him half her business."
• "I don't understand. You were having a great time. The sex, the shopping."
• "...and have access to it 24 hours a day, their entire lives?"
• "-Yeah, coming on in a few minutes. -Okay."
• "Hey, you know, George, I am really proud of you."
• "A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type."
• "All right. Shut up. Shut up. Melrose Place is coming on."
• "Oh, that Michael. I hate him. He's just so smug."
• "You better straighten up and fly right, buddy boy."
• "The tall guy with the high hair. I'd recognize him anywhere."