The Suicide

Season 3, Episode 15 — 63 scenes

• "That urine sample. Giving them that, that's always a pleasure, isn't it?"
• "What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt."
• "We're sending the results to Washington."
• "I never heard of this. You gotta fast for three days to take an ulcer test."
• "How could I possibly have ulcers? Who could have given me ulcers?"
• "I'm all set. I got the ticket. I'm going to the Cayman Islands Friday."
• "I can't commit to a woman, I'm not committing to an airline."
• "-You didn't say "junior." -I haven't had one since I was little."
• "-How you doing? -Good enough."
• "-Boy, she's sexy, isn't she? -Yeah."
• "-Did he think I was flirting with her? -He didn't seem too pleased."
• "He was doing standup comedy in Kennebunkport, Maine..."
• "Baldness is inherited from the mother's side, Jerry."
• "-I just got fired. -All right. Let's get out of here."
• "It's Martin. I think he's dying. He tried to kill himself with pills."
• "-No, I'll just wear the pyjamas. -Just get it!"
• "It's not too bad. It's not like a Sunny von Bülow coma."
• "Then, after he saw you in the hall.... He was crazy with jealousy."
• "And all indications are he does not like Drake's Coffee Cake."
• "No. I have thought about you many times."
• "I saw you looking at your watch. You want to leave? Go ahead."
• "A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him?"
• "I'm a man who respects a good coma."
• "If it was one of those in-and-out comas, maybe."
• "I loaned it to him, he never returned it. The carpets are filthy."
• "So we're in the room and she's trying to get me to kiss her in front of him."
• "See, that's the beauty of the coma. It doesn't matter what you do."
• "So you're saying his girl, his car, his clothes, it's all up for grabs."
• "-I knew it. I always felt different. -You are. Some coffee cake?"
• "My brother once impregnated a woman named Pauline."
• "-Should you be smoking? -Does it bother you?"
• "I smoked when I had Faithy."
• "...I am going to tell you something and I want you to really hear me."
• "...we now know about prenatal care, can put a cigarette in her mouth!"
• "And it wouldn't be hard. We could just give them the regular DMV test..."
• "Like Kreskin. Instead of just hiding his check..."
• "Well, they're three funny-looking guys and they'd hit each other a lot."
• "...but with Martin and all, maybe it's not a good idea to be seen together..."
• "Well, then what are all those ties and sport jackets doing in my closet?"
• "-Why don't you just eat fruit. -Fruit makes me incontinent."
• "Do you think Newman would tell Martin if he wakes up?"
• "...in the first 24 hours, get everything out of my place and put it in storage."
• "She is really hungry."
• "Well, Newman's upstairs visiting Martin."
• "Look, my mother's coming to visit me. She sees that rug, she's gonna kill me."
• "...perpetrated on the American public since One Hour Martinizing."
• "Well, it would take a lot, because a friend is something you earn."
• "Jerry has a friend who has free tickets to the Cayman Islands this weekend."
• "-Is that a...? -Drake's Coffee Cake."
• "From my house. I got a whole box of them."
• "I don't think so. You know, they're so fragile."
• "And not fatty duck either, but juicy, tender breasts of duck."
• "Hi. Hi! What are you doing here? How did I know you were here?"
• "I was just curious. The other day you said something about my trip."
• "-Give me that! -Jerry, you better stop her or I'll tell!"
• "They did it right in this bed, Martin. Right in front of you."
• "What are you doing? We're going to dinner in 10 minutes."
• "...I would like to thank you for the greatest four days of my life."
• "It stung my foot. That's probably what Rula was trying to warn you about."
• "I'd like to, but a bunch of us from the islands are getting together."
• "...for some reason, they don't die, and then that's it. They stop trying."
• "...than reaching a goal you've set for yourself."
• "Subtitles by SDI Media Group"