The Understudy
Season 6, Episode 24 — 155 scenes
- "During the course of which George, Elaine, Kramer, and I"
- "But we've persevered, because we're people."
- "here's some highlights from what's happened so far."
- "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?"
- "No, I'm really serious. I think that's a good idea."
- "Yeah, I'm out. I'm out of the contest."
- "And who's on the show? Who are the characters?"
- "Yeah, you base a character on a me."
- "I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing,"
- "I have lost my fiancé, the poor baby."
- "[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] Maybe the dingo ate your baby."
- "Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin' me!"
- "and I kicked him out the door, you know, with my foot,"
- "My wallet's gone!"
- "You were making out during Schindler's List?"
- "Yeah. I-I know about the cups."
- "treating his body like it was an amusement park."
- "But the more you get out, the more it keeps coming in."
- "and tell them I got this idea for a show about nothing?"
- "Let's go do something. I don't wanna sit around here."
- "We could go to one of those cappuccino places."
- "and I have to turn and lean on my elbow to make the pen work."
- "Are you sure? I'm positive!"
- "Thank you very much. Thank you."
- "What were you talkin' about when I went to the bathroom?"
- "You mean she was asking me to wear this ridiculous shirt"
- "This pirate trend that she's come up with, Jerry,"
- "That's why you have the reservation."
- "You just don't know how to hold the reservation."
- "I think I can sum up the show for you with one word."
- "Well, uh, m-maybe something happens to you"
- "Well, why am I watching it?"
- "What about the body? What kinda body?"
- "Smarter than me? I don't want anyone smarter than me."
- "He can lift 100 pounds right up over his head."
- "He's-- He's kind of,"
- "Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me."
- ""Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me.""
- "or do you wanna not be able to get it out?"
- "She's got a fine cheek."
- "Yes. A rosy glow."
- "Women kill to have her eyebrows."
- "Eh, we'll never make it. I'll leave tomorrow."
- "No, you have your ticket. You have to go now."
- "that will only leave me 5 minutes to get to the plane."
- "the "it's not you, it's me" routine?"
- "Oh. Well, I know something about gettin' to first base."
- "My act? Wh-what does that have to do with anything?"
- "I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do."
- "It rhymes with a female body part."
- "I can't believe you sent a woman into the sauna to do that."
- "Why shouldn't we be able to do that once in a while"
- "It's almost stupid if we didn't."
- "I guess, maybe, some little problems could arise."
- "Yeah. We-- We-- We just wanna take this..."
- "to avoid the things that cause the little problems."
- "now, I call you whenever I am inclined"
- "But sometimes, when people get involved with that,"
- "why sleep got all tied up and connected..."
- "Rule number two: spending the night is optional."
- "You asked me here to have lunch,"
- "and then say you're not in the mood for details."
- "to getting a job with Vandelay Industries."
- "You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman."
- "and you get to sprinkle your cheese, and then..."
- "would have been as highly acclaimed as it was"
- "It was his mistress who insisted that he call it War and Peace."
- "You're an architect?"
- "I don't see architecture coming from you."
- "Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?"
- "You know, it didn't take very long either."
- "GEORGE: "Vandelay," say "Vandelay.""
- "No problem. No problem."
- "And you wanna be my latex salesman."
- "I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humor."
- "not be affected by the yellow sun of the Earth?"
- "All right, shut up the both of you."
- "That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip."
- "Well, it's... It's a very popular drink."
- "Oh, yeah, like they wouldn't have found that anyway."
- "and I just happened to throw my purse on the sofa,"
- "You never know when you're gonna need it, right?"
- "I hate Keith Hernandez. Hate him."
- "opens the door to a five-run Phillies 9th."
- "They were waiting by the players parking lot."
- "in a very deep and profound way from that day forward."
- "and the spit ricocheted off him and it hit me."
- "Allow me to reconstruct this, if I may, for Miss Benes,"
- "The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple,"
- "The spit then splashed off the wrist,"
- "And people really have to care about the characters."
- "It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough."
- "But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk"
- "They blew his brains out all over the Pacific."
- "We will annex Poland by the spring at any cost!"
- "Said I'm not good-lookin' enough for her."
- "I mean, it's fine if that's who you are. Absolutely."
- "Do you wanna have sex with me right now?"
- "Well, I don't wanna sit there naked all by myself."
- "he's probably a little groggy anyway."
- "you didn't know."
- "Ahem, I think I'll have a piece of cake."
- "What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning,"
- "Nothing's every worked out for me with tuna on toast."
- "Well, there's no telling what can happen from this."
- "Well, here's your chance to try the opposite."
- "Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women,"
- "So now I will do the opposite, and I will do something."
- "You just ordered the same exact lunch as me."
- "You can't believe her, she's one of these low talkers."
- "You could examine the artwork up close."
- "So you're still master of your domain."
- "Couldn't you tell her about the shrinkage factor?"
- "Besides, I... I think women know about shrinkage."
- "Like when a man goes swimming...afterwards..."
- "Like a frightened turtle."
- "Why does it shrink?"
- "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
- "Now, I've read this thing three times."
- "W-would you like a Pepto-Bismol?"
- "The air conditioner!"
- "Caught you? Doin' what?"
- "I stopped by the house to drop the car off,"
- "I didn't know whether to try and keep her from fallin' or zip up."
- "So I picked her up, I took her to the hospital."
- "Her back went out, she's gotta be there for a couple of days."
- "You mean, in your mother's house, or all together?"
- "You'll be out before we get the check."
- "It's a whole different thing."
- "I shave my legs."
- "Well, obviously we all know each other very well."
- "within the confines of the honor system."
- "all for the sake of our little..."
- "It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York."
- "In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony"
- "When I was a little girl in Poland,"
- "you never gave me back the change from the tolls."
- "and then decided to stop off for some Jujyfruit?"
- "of immigrants on boats comin' into New York Harbor..."
- "Now we'll open the peritoneal cavity,"
- "Could you get...?"
- "In the machine. Do you want one?"
- "Do you have a box of Jujyfruits?"
- "MAN: Is anyone here a marine biologist?"
- "GEORGE: The sea was angry that day, my friends."
- "Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."
- "As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow."
- "I could see directly into the eye of the great fish."
- "and I found myself right on top of him,"
- "So I reached my hand in, felt around,"
- "What is that, a Titleist?"
- "We tell 'em we got an idea for a show about nothing."
- "Look, why don't you two just go to the movies by yourself?"
- "What for? Let's just get outta here."
- "Seinfeld, four!"
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