The Understudy

Season 6, Episode 24 — 155 scenes

• "During the course of which George, Elaine, Kramer, and I"
• "But we've persevered, because we're people."
• "here's some highlights from what's happened so far."
• "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?"
• "No, I'm really serious. I think that's a good idea."
• "Yeah, I'm out. I'm out of the contest."
• "And who's on the show? Who are the characters?"
• "Yeah, you base a character on a me."
• "I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing,"
• "I have lost my fiancé, the poor baby."
• "[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT] Maybe the dingo ate your baby."
• "Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin' me!"
• "and I kicked him out the door, you know, with my foot,"
• "My wallet's gone!"
• "You were making out during Schindler's List?"
• "Yeah. I-I know about the cups."
• "treating his body like it was an amusement park."
• "But the more you get out, the more it keeps coming in."
• "and tell them I got this idea for a show about nothing?"
• "Let's go do something. I don't wanna sit around here."
• "We could go to one of those cappuccino places."
• "and I have to turn and lean on my elbow to make the pen work."
• "Are you sure? I'm positive!"
• "Thank you very much. Thank you."
• "What were you talkin' about when I went to the bathroom?"
• "You mean she was asking me to wear this ridiculous shirt"
• "This pirate trend that she's come up with, Jerry,"
• "That's why you have the reservation."
• "You just don't know how to hold the reservation."
• "I think I can sum up the show for you with one word."
• "Well, uh, m-maybe something happens to you"
• "Well, why am I watching it?"
• "What about the body? What kinda body?"
• "Smarter than me? I don't want anyone smarter than me."
• "He can lift 100 pounds right up over his head."
• "He's-- He's kind of,"
• "Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me."
• ""Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me.""
• "or do you wanna not be able to get it out?"
• "She's got a fine cheek."
• "Yes. A rosy glow."
• "Women kill to have her eyebrows."
• "Eh, we'll never make it. I'll leave tomorrow."
• "No, you have your ticket. You have to go now."
• "that will only leave me 5 minutes to get to the plane."
• "the "it's not you, it's me" routine?"
• "Oh. Well, I know something about gettin' to first base."
• "My act? Wh-what does that have to do with anything?"
• "I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do."
• "It rhymes with a female body part."
• "I can't believe you sent a woman into the sauna to do that."
• "Why shouldn't we be able to do that once in a while"
• "It's almost stupid if we didn't."
• "I guess, maybe, some little problems could arise."
• "Yeah. We-- We-- We just wanna take this..."
• "to avoid the things that cause the little problems."
• "now, I call you whenever I am inclined"
• "But sometimes, when people get involved with that,"
• "why sleep got all tied up and connected..."
• "Rule number two: spending the night is optional."
• "You asked me here to have lunch,"
• "and then say you're not in the mood for details."
• "to getting a job with Vandelay Industries."
• "You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman."
• "and you get to sprinkle your cheese, and then..."
• "would have been as highly acclaimed as it was"
• "It was his mistress who insisted that he call it War and Peace."
• "You're an architect?"
• "I don't see architecture coming from you."
• "Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?"
• "You know, it didn't take very long either."
• "GEORGE: "Vandelay," say "Vandelay.""
• "No problem. No problem."
• "And you wanna be my latex salesman."
• "I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humor."
• "not be affected by the yellow sun of the Earth?"
• "All right, shut up the both of you."
• "That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip."
• "Well, it's... It's a very popular drink."
• "Oh, yeah, like they wouldn't have found that anyway."
• "and I just happened to throw my purse on the sofa,"
• "You never know when you're gonna need it, right?"
• "I hate Keith Hernandez. Hate him."
• "opens the door to a five-run Phillies 9th."
• "They were waiting by the players parking lot."
• "in a very deep and profound way from that day forward."
• "and the spit ricocheted off him and it hit me."
• "Allow me to reconstruct this, if I may, for Miss Benes,"
• "The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple,"
• "The spit then splashed off the wrist,"
• "And people really have to care about the characters."
• "It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough."
• "But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk"
• "They blew his brains out all over the Pacific."
• "We will annex Poland by the spring at any cost!"
• "Said I'm not good-lookin' enough for her."
• "I mean, it's fine if that's who you are. Absolutely."
• "Do you wanna have sex with me right now?"
• "Well, I don't wanna sit there naked all by myself."
• "he's probably a little groggy anyway."
• "you didn't know."
• "Ahem, I think I'll have a piece of cake."
• "What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning,"
• "Nothing's every worked out for me with tuna on toast."
• "Well, there's no telling what can happen from this."
• "Well, here's your chance to try the opposite."
• "Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women,"
• "So now I will do the opposite, and I will do something."
• "You just ordered the same exact lunch as me."
• "You can't believe her, she's one of these low talkers."
• "You could examine the artwork up close."
• "So you're still master of your domain."
• "Couldn't you tell her about the shrinkage factor?"
• "Besides, I... I think women know about shrinkage."
• "Like when a man goes swimming...afterwards..."
• "Like a frightened turtle."
• "Why does it shrink?"
• "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
• "Now, I've read this thing three times."
• "W-would you like a Pepto-Bismol?"
• "The air conditioner!"
• "Caught you? Doin' what?"
• "I stopped by the house to drop the car off,"
• "I didn't know whether to try and keep her from fallin' or zip up."
• "So I picked her up, I took her to the hospital."
• "Her back went out, she's gotta be there for a couple of days."
• "You mean, in your mother's house, or all together?"
• "You'll be out before we get the check."
• "It's a whole different thing."
• "I shave my legs."
• "Well, obviously we all know each other very well."
• "within the confines of the honor system."
• "all for the sake of our little..."
• "It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York."
• "In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony"
• "When I was a little girl in Poland,"
• "you never gave me back the change from the tolls."
• "and then decided to stop off for some Jujyfruit?"
• "of immigrants on boats comin' into New York Harbor..."
• "Now we'll open the peritoneal cavity,"
• "Could you get...?"
• "In the machine. Do you want one?"
• "Do you have a box of Jujyfruits?"
• "MAN: Is anyone here a marine biologist?"
• "GEORGE: The sea was angry that day, my friends."
• "Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli."
• "As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow."
• "I could see directly into the eye of the great fish."
• "and I found myself right on top of him,"
• "So I reached my hand in, felt around,"
• "What is that, a Titleist?"
• "We tell 'em we got an idea for a show about nothing."
• "Look, why don't you two just go to the movies by yourself?"
• "What for? Let's just get outta here."
• "Seinfeld, four!"