The Old Man

Season 4, Episode 18 — 58 scenes

• "Which, in our terms, would mean you get your driver's license around 5..."
• "His mind is so sharp, you would think you're talking to a 2-year-old.""
• "When I like them, they don't like me. When they like me, I don't like them."
• "I listen to this for 15 minutes, I'm on top of the world."
• "The strange thing is, I mean, I haven't even met the woman yet."
• "...you take them out for a walk and you get a cup of coffee..."
• "What, do you break it in with her then you try it out on me?"
• "-I am gonna help somebody, damn it. -What about you?"
• "And I can tell you that everyone who participates..."
• "Hey, hey, what's your guy's name again?"
• "George and I just signed up with the senior citizens volunteer agency."
• "-Where do you get this? -The alternative media, Jerry."
• "Newman and I are going partners, selling used records."
• "...old-fashioned useless records just lying around, you know--"
• "...and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?"
• "Then the bar code reader breaks, and it's Publishers Clearing House day!"
• "-Take anything you want. -Yeah, yeah."
• "Well, what do you got? You know, you got Don Ho Live In Honolulu."
• "Look, that's his problem, all right? Now, you don't like it? Too bad."
• "-Come on. -We'll be back..."
• "-Agency? -Yeah. Is this Sid Fields' residence?"
• "She steals from me. Steals my money. She says she doesn't speak English."
• "Are you gonna kill me? I'm an old man, for crying out loud."
• "Well, if I wanted it, I wouldn't be throwing it away, would I, Einstein?"
• "I just remembered I got an appointment to get my tonsils out."
• "You know, the average life span for an American male is, like, 72."
• "All I'll do is keep thinking about it till it drives me insane."
• "...and tell me that you're not worried? Don't you have any sense?"
• "But, Mr. Cantwell, you owe me for the soup."
• "-Mrs. Oliver? -Yes, my dear?"
• "This football-shaped lump jutting out the side of my neck."
• "No. Not a bit. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's...."
• "They really should mention that in the breakdown. Height. Weight. Goiter."
• "Well, I'd rather talk to a goiter with a nice disposition..."
• "I don't know. I was just talking to the man, and he walked out on me."
• "My father was a quitter. My grandfather was a quitter."
• "-He offered us 5 dollars. -What kind of stuff you listening to?"
• "-Wait, he's throwing them out? -I asked if my friends could have them."
• "She's from Senegal."
• "I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body."
• "You don't understand because you don't speak English."
• "-Why, you little-- -Wait, wait, Mr. Fields."
• "Well, we'll take you to your dentist. Where's your dentist?"
• "-Me? I thought you were. -Come on, we lost the old man."
• "-Get you going, right there. -...and very big Brahman cows and...."
• "He used to dip his bald head in oil..."
• "-Take it or leave it. -We got Al Jolson here. Al Jolson!"
• "-You emit a foul and unpleasant odor. -Oh, is that right?"
• "Our agency's sole purpose is to care for senior citizens."
• "I don't know what happened. We tried to take him to the dentist."
• "We took the records over to Ron's, and he tried to screw us..."
• "-Did anybody try and call him? -Yeah, I called, but there's no answer."
• "We couldn't find him."
• "...and when they like you, you don't like them."
• "...and she's got this huge goiter growing out of the side of her neck."
• "You know, their bodies get smaller. They move into smaller places."
• "Watch out. I'm coming," you know. And you've gotta watch out for them."
• "They can't see where they're going anyway, let them have fun out there."