The Wizard

Season 9, Episode 15 — 65 scenes

• "I'll tell him I got it on the street and maybe it's hot. That's his favorite."
• "Deep down I always kind of felt that they blamed me for Susan's death."
• "Nice meeting you. I gotta run, Elaine. I'll see you later."
• "I think his answering machine's broken, so I just gave up."
• "No, of course not. I mean, I'd just like to know."
• "-So you need to know? -No, I don't need to know."
• "Oh, I just leased a house out in the Hamptons..."
• "...and I have got to get out there this weekend and sign the papers."
• "-What are we celebrating? -You remember my coffee table book?"
• "Let's just say I don't have to worry about working for a while."
• "You know, I've accomplished everything I've set out to do."
• "It's not really gold."
• "They blast that stuff 24 hours a day. I hate it."
• "My family used to live there. We got out years ago. For obvious reasons."
• "If I had one of these things I'd be eating hot dogs all the time."
• "Well, as long as I'm up, Dad, I got you a birthday present."
• "Radar detector. I've never seen you go over 20 miles an hour."
• "You can do everything with it. You can get e-mail, fax, there's a calculator."
• "Yeah, your folks said it was for rent, so I jumped on it."
• "I don't have any feta. How about cottage cheese and egg beaters?"
• "So, George, do you have any thoughts on this Darryl situation?"
• "-I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. -You know what? I'm leaving."
• "The Hamptons? George Costanza?"
• "I don't think so."
• "...but this was one of those truly glorious Hampton weekends..."
• "Another fine meal. And now for my Wizard tip calculator."
• "Jerry, it was so nice of you to come down here on your father's birthday."
• "He just got a date with that young aquacise instructor."
• "The next condo board president of Del Boca Vista, phase three."
• "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter."
• "It certainly should be. It's nobody's damn business."
• "No. But it's very nice to know."
• "I've given up. So now we're going to a bunch of Spanish restaurants."
• "-Who are they running against? -Common sense..."
• "...and flush the toilet so the gaskets don't dry out and leak."
• "Where did they get the idea that you have a place in the Hamptons?"
• "I told them I have a place in the Hamptons."
• "But they let me go on and on all about the Hamptons."
• "This is not about them. Now if you'll excuse me..."
• "Remember, ma'am, a vote for me is a vote for Kramer."
• "-Coffee? -Sure."
• "I'm black. Oh, you know what? Bring a little cream."
• "They're upset because we're an interracial couple."
• "Ready to take you to the Hamptons."
• "Once you get in that car we are going all the way..."
• "All right, you wanna get nuts..."
• "Right, yeah. The poll's close after dinner. Three o'clock."
• "You could put that whole schedule right in your daily planner."
• "...sit in the heat, pretend it's not hot, and enforce these rules."
• "All right, what do we do next, Morty, huh? Wiretaps? Slush funds?"
• "-And I have horses too. -What are their names?"
• "Pull over. We'll buy you a housewarming gift."
• "It's okay. My boyfriend's black. Here he is. See?"
• "-What are you talking about? -You're black."
• "Why would you take me to a Spanish restaurant because I'm black?"
• "So we're just a couple of white people?"
• "-So do you want to go to the Gap? -Sure."
• "Hey, Morty, what's wrong with these tip calculators?"
• "It's overtipping. I just left 5 bucks for a BLT."
• "Well, that's it for me. I'm heading back to New York."
• "How could you spend $200 on a tip calculator?"
• "-Where are we, George? -Almost there."
• "There's no solarium. There's no Prickly Pete."
• "Then why? Why did you make me drive all the way out here?"
• "Let's head back."