The Merv Griffin Show

Season 9, Episode 6 — 73 scenes

• "-If you borrow my blender, return it. -Come on, we're like Cain and Abel."
• "...but when he took this special formula, he became Mr. Abel."
• "Jerry, this is the set from the old Merv Griffin Show."
• "Oh, no, you go ahead. I'm not finished taking this in."
• "You know, I spilled a yogurt smoothie in here two days ago."
• "Oh, they'll get out of the way. You really smell banana?"
• "...where we eating?"
• "I inherited them after he died from a long painful bout with--"
• "I'm putting this on him and we're going to the sink."
• "I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here."
• "Miranda thinks I'm a butcher. But it's not my fault, is it?"
• "...we look the other way on the statue defecation."
• "Oh, the sex is wild, but she's got this toy collection..."
• "He just comes out of nowhere and he's right next to you."
• "-I thought I was alone. -That doesn't make it right."
• "To me, the Hakuna Matata is not nearly as embarrassing..."
• "...they were not as hygienic as they appeared on TV."
• "Well, Jerry we'd love to have you back any time."
• "Is it possible you're even more beautiful..."
• "-Mr. Peterman, here are these pages-- -One moment."
• "It must have been a lot of work. Thank you very much, you two."
• "And you mentioned that you didn't get a G.I. Joe. You had...."
• "He was made of wood, in the rain he would swell up and then split."
• "Well, I'll tell you, this sidler guy is really chapping my hide."
• "I'm gonna give that guy a taste of his own medicine."
• "Only in New York."
• "It's our good friend, George Costanza."
• "Turn music off."
• "-Well, it happened again. -What happened?"
• "Well, I just stomped some pigeons in the park. They didn't move."
• "I don't get these birds. They're breaking the deal."
• "Okay, we're back."
• "Boy, that bank clock is eight minutes off."
• "I had to swerve out of the way. I saved that pigeon's life."
• "You got any booze? What say you and I get ripped."
• ""Will not cause drowsiness.""
• "Well, this certainly looks like a lot of words in record time."
• "...and I'm assuming I need it right away."
• "Oh, just give me that."
• "Mission accomplished. Back to base, Joe."
• "There's been massive trauma. We could, of course, try to save him..."
• "I was just-- I was curious, that's all."
• "So they're flying the tiny instruments in from El Paso."
• "Actually, it's kind of a funny story, because she has this toy collection..."
• "I gave her the wrong kind of medicine and I guess she passed out."
• "Let's pause a moment."
• "Yeah, well, you bombed. That story stunk worse than these chairs."
• "You're spontaneous."
• "You're very quick, aren't you?"
• "Well, you should never, ever go anywhere without these."
• "So when I saw George with an 18-pound turkey and a box of wine..."
• "Yes. Touchdown. Your turn, Jerry."
• "Lately though, I've been buying the generic brand of wax beans."
• "No, fortunately the special tiny instruments arrived just in time."
• "You have 30 minutes."
• "Oh, we're discharging the squirrel. We think he'll be better off at home."
• "As soon as it gets better, it's gonna gnaw my brain out in my sleep."
• "Look, George, I'm sorry, maybe another time, all right?"
• "Boy, my knuckles are still cramped from that football game."
• "Last night, I found a whole Weeble village behind the Easy-Bake Oven."
• "-Stop squirming. -Don't. This is where they change me."
• "...these past two days, and I could not find the source."
• "Because if I hear one more rattle, just one, you're out on your can."
• "Okay. Well, then your teeth are green for a different reason."
• "The only gum I liked came with the Mickey Mouse gumball machine."
• "Okay, a little later we're gonna be talking with animal expert, Jim Fowler."
• "Well, Jerry, we have a little surprise for you. Come on out, Celia."
• "If you think you can drug me and play, you've got another thing coming."
• "No, you idiot. Hawks eat squirrels."
• "Are we getting this?"
• "Well, the squirrel kept scurrying and the hawk kept clawing."
• "I'm sleeping on the couch."
• "Oh, well, hey, I dated Jerry too. I know what a monster he can be."